I love these new "type these words into your tags box and post the first tag that automatically pops up" thingies, so fun. Let’s do another one:
bucky and steve spend so much time making fun of sam for being a slow runner that they jog straight into the elaborate traps natasha had set up 4 hours earlier. natasha drives off with sam while bucky and steve are left to contemplate their mistakes in life.
#a girl’s gotta protect her bird boy#”this is your fault steve for being 95 and not knowing how to make friends”#”shut the hell up barnes I only had you for a role model”#”aww you called me your role model that’s really pathetic”#”JUST GET US OUT OF HERE WHAT USE ARE THOSE 17 KNIVES YOU ALWAYS CARRY AROUND”
Anonymous asked: What if word gets around that if you show up to sam's house he'll patch you up and make breakfast
Apparently, searching for the Winter Soldier means moving to New York and hell no is Sam Wilson moving to Brooklyn.
"Nah, man," he explained. "I love you like whoa, but hell no. Harlem or bust."
Steve didn’t get it, but whatever. He offered to let Sam have his floor in Stark’s godawful tower, but again: hell to the no.
"I know people in Harlem," he explained further.
He should have known that sentence would put a cloud over Steve, but at least the argument held water for him. That was what Brooklyn was about, anyway. He was going to where he used to have people.
So Sam moved back to Harlem.
At three AM on a Thursday night, the buzzer for the front door of his apartment went off.
"If you’re here to kill me, come back in at least five hours," he told whoever it was through the intercom.
"Sorry, Sam," came Natasha’s voice. "We need a place to lie low."
Fucking whatever. He buzzed her up.
She had a different buff, blonde superhero with her this time. He introduced himself as Clint and shook Sam’s hand. Then he winced and shook out his hand which Sam could now see was turning no-good-very-bad colors.
Natasha shrugged. “You should see the other guy,” she said.
"Other guys,” Clint corrected. “So many other guys. At least twenty.”
Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Fifty," Clint continued. "Probably fifty."
Sam repeated internally: fucking whatever.
"I left my straightener in DC," he told Natasha. "Bad for your hair anyway."
"Please," she scoffed. "Straight hair is so last year."
Two months later, Clint showed up with Bruce Banner. A lot of people in Harlem knew about Bruce Banner.
Sam put on the Enya CD he always told people he only had because an ex left it in his apartment. (This was a lie.)
Clint gave him a look.
"Look, Harlem thanks the dude for stopping the other dinosaur dude and everything," Sam explained. "But he is not allowed to break my apartment. I don’t have the funds to build a new one from scratch."
Bruce looked…not green, not in the bad way, but green like sea-sick sort of green. Like a hangover or something. His head was lolling and Clint was basically holding him upright.
Bruce Banner showed up in the daylight hours two days later with Tony Stark. Tony made fun of Sam’s CD collection. Bruce Banner fixed his leaky shower.
Sam thought to himself, OK, this is my life now.
Tony had to help with the shower. It went off and soaked them both and they left wearing all of Sam’s clean jogging clothes.
Steve came by with the Winter Soldier—“he’s Bucky"—in the middle of the night a couple weeks later.
Sam kept the place stocked with first aid kits and poptarts these days.
About an hour after they arrived, Natasha and Thor arrived. Then ten minutes later, Clint and Tony. Then Bruce.
"Everybody gets poptarts and beer," Sam announced as he ushered Bruce in. "It’s all I have on hand."
The Winter Soldier—Bucky—looked so fucking stunned at the suggestion that Sam made a bag of microwave popcorn just to fill the sudden depth of “feed this boy” feelings that had swelled up. It was something he inherited from his mom, no doubt. She was always feeding people who looked like that.
Yeah. This was his life now.
There were superheroes having a slumber party in his living room.
SCREAM. How is this the utter fucking best?
there’s a group of men on the tv answering a survey about “how much they really know about women” and they asked “which percentage of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone” and they all answered 15 when the real answer was 75 and their faces were just abysmal it gave me life
Prepare yourselves for a lil Star Trek spam, guys, basically there’s some real shit going down in the Star Trek fandom in the form of Bob Orci.
Bob Orci is a screenwriter commonly associated with Alex Kurtzman and JJ Abrams, and is notorious for being a real A-hole to fans. Like, when it became pretty clear that the Trekkies weren’t fans of Star Trek Into Darkness (for a lot of reasons: incoherent plot, whitewashing, objectification of the women) he got really defensive, insulted fans, attacked them verbally, and basically was just a real douchecanoe.
Now, even after that, the bad press regarding the Trekkies and the bad press regarding the way he handled a lot of things from the film, he’s gunning to direct the next movie.
This isn’t just any movie for us, either. It’s set to premiere on our 50th Anniversary, September 8, 2016. It’s really amazing and special to us and we’re really excited and we’re desperate to make sure that Bob Orci - a man that the Trek fandom does not like and does not respect the source material we all love - isn’t the man in charge of the franchise whenever the 50th rolls around.
So you might see us pushing Star Trek stuff and also the tag #StopOrci2014, but that’s just because we’re really upset and we’re trying to generate momentum and get Paramount to understand that we don’t want Bob Orci to take over Star Trek
I kind of love the idea of Steve being bi. Like, when he was younger, he’d see a guy and think he was good looking, but he’d just stamp that down or chalk it up to being an artist and finding beauty in everything. Then he meets Peggy and he really likes her so he thinks of himself as “fixed”.
When he wakes up in our time he stumbles into learning about the different kinds of genders and sexual orientations and it just hits him like “Oh. I guess that explains it.” And after New York when things settle in to something like a routine and he actually has a chance to look around and Natasha starts on her mission to set him up, he starts to really accept and become okay with being attracted to men and women.
One day when they’re heading out on a mission, Natasha brings up another woman from SHIELD and Steve just goes “What about that guy who works in reception?” and he says it casually, but he’s really sort of nervous because she’s the first person he’s told. Natasha just pauses for a beat and looks at him before shaking her head “Kevin? No, he’s got a terrible hair cut. You can do better.” And after that she starts including guys in the people she suggests to him.
idk I just like that headcannon
Ok yeah but slytherin muggleborns buying a shitload of those really cheap ballpoint pens beore every term and selling them to pureblood/halfblood students for like 10 sickles a pen and all these kids are just mystified by the fact that they dont have to constantly dip quills when they write essays
"Their mouths, which mere minutes before had been employed in the process of demolishing and ingesting various foodstuffs, were now jammed up damply against one another while still being used for breathing, which must have been more than a little uncomfortable."
"Bits of one jammed into bits of the other, dangerously close to some of the weakest and most important internal organs."
"With absolutely no regard for personal space, the two of them created an unnecessary amount of friction, generating sweat in the process.""